The Rock N' Roll Horror Zine

Long Strange R.I.P. by Josh Schlossberg “Long time no see, Mr. Garcia.” Satan slouched on his throne of charred rib cages and femurs at the center of a vast dim obsidian hall. “Whatever can I do for you?” The heavy-set, white-haired and bearded man—basically Santa Claus in glasses and a black T-shirt—stood with his feet planted wide on the ashy stone, sulfurous gases twining around his legs like friendly cats. “You know damn well why I’m here,” Jerry said. “Written any new jingles?” Satan’s black lidless eyes oozed like tar as he scratched the mushroom head of the ghoul squatting to his side. “I still get a kick out of that one song. How does it go? ‘Set out running but I take my time, a friend of the devil is a friend of mine.’” “It’s gotta stop.” “Is my singing that bad?” Satan flashed hundreds of tiny, immaculate teeth and the thing beside him tittered. “I forgot to congratulate you on the Hall of Fame induction. Quite the honor.” “Leave Vince alone.” Jerry st...

It Just Sounds Better On Vinyl By Ben Fitts I’m very excited. I just got the new record by Capra Coven from Light Side Records downtown. I haven’t heard them yet but my friend Jack says these Englishmen are the best heavy metal band ever. He told me that they’re heavier than Venom, Bathory and Mercyful Fate all put together. As if that wasn’t enough of a selling point on its own, the local preacher came to our high school to warn us not to listen to Capra Coven. He said they were Satanists and would corrupt our innocent young minds. So like pretty much every other kid crammed into that gymnasium, my reaction was sign me up! I can’t wait to listen to it. I stare at the drawing of a severed goat head decorating album cover, then slip the black record out of its sleeve, place it on my turntable and drop the needle. The black vinyl spins and the needle traces its way through the grooves, but no music comes out. Instead a blood red finger reaches out from the twirli...